ADVANCE WARNING: this is not a very serious post. It’s been a funny few weeks and I need that holiday I’ve got coming up.
The other night, my mother-in-law asked me: where do you get all these ideas from?
We were, I hasten to add, talking about my books.
Now this, as many will know, is a question one should never ask an author. My personal theory as to why that should be is that we don’t actually know. So we come up with a load of banjo and pyjamas about seeking inspiration from real life and the subconscious, and what-all else and we mumble and probably drop our e-fags in embarrassment and end up making complete prats of ourselves.
And authors have several things in common with cats: we prefer to be indoors on cold nights; we only really do exercise if it means we’re going to get fed at the end; and, above all, we hate making prats of ourselves.
I was going to do an entire post on this subject, but then I googled it, and found that the excellent Neil Gaiman has already written one which is far better than the one I was going to write.
Now, y’all can go read this, because Gaiman is always worth reading: but you must promise to come straight back after. I am keeping a register, and I shall be merciless when it comes to handing out detentions.
So here’s Neil’s post:
Also, I am definitely going to have a page on my website called Cool Stuff, just as soon as I figure out what exactly is cool, because that’s something that’s evaded me since I was fourteen. Except Gorillaz. They are clearly cool. I got quite a few ideas from them, too.
The fact is, where we get our ideas from is frequently pretty dumb. I’ve already related the story in an earlier post of where I got the MacLenaghan of Slaith (a waste-disposal invoice). The Baron’s secret apartment in the deserted factory in The Last Five Days was originally inspired by the file archive in the office where I work, Joe Ackerman came from a Bob Dylan album cover (Street Legal, in case you’re interested), Rajiv Lal was inspired by a trader on the London Stock Exchange with whom I used to do business, and Pat Given was originally named after a football goalkeeper.
The cover of Street Legal, featuring Joe Ackerman. Inexplicably, he's wearing white shoes. I can only assume he borrowed them.
You see?
Well, actually, there is an answer in there, which I will share with any aspiring authors in the room, but the rest of you have to stick your fingers in your ears. The answer is; try to go through life with your eyes open and your mind switched on. Most people don’t, and non-authors shouldn’t try it because;
People will think you’re weird.
You will go mad within days, because you won’t have anywhere to put all those ideas. Worse, you might decide to become an author yourself, and thereby commit yourself to the sort of life of pain and misery only normally experienced by Oldham Athletic fans.
Stories are all around us. The late, great, Terry Pratchett even formed the idea that they affect us, and the reality that surrounds us: he called it the Theory of Narrative Causality. According to TP, this is why, for instance;
It is now impossible for the third and youngest son of any king, if he should embark on a quest which has so far claimed his older brothers, not to succeed.
I like that. But then I like Terry Pratchett. So did Neil Gaiman. That adds a kind of circularity to this post which I shall consider to be an Ending.
Even though, both in real life and in fiction, there is really no such thing.